I always admired the fact that some people can really relate to Premiership clubs. Anfield and the Emirates Stadium are playgrounds they visit with their like-minded friends on perhaps, once a week.

To them, Christiano is their boy, Gerrard is their neighbour, and Ferguson is someone they hang out with at the local pub. Nevermind that it’s Christiano Lee Kim Sai (buddy), Muthu “Stevie G” Kariapan (futsal kaki),  Ahmad (call me Alex, as in Alex Ferguson…the boss who is always hollering at you) they are hanging out with, but I believe the appropriate term for them would be football fanatics.

They discuss tactics and what their players would do to their opponents, usually over their favourite tipple (be it beer or teh tarik). And if you so much as show up in opposing team colours in a place where the other team’s supporters are congregating, I would actually bid you Godspeed (fly you fools!). If you really, really need to watch the game (because the other mamak is showing the OTHER game), do make yourself scarce when your team is winning.

Having just summed up footie nut behaviour in like three paragraphs….wait, I forgot one thing. The typical Premiership football nut prides himself with his/her knowledge on the Premier League and even more so, the team he or she supports. It’s like a security blanket you see and it even has the effect as a shot of Dutch courage. I can imagine this conversation going on prior to the Liverpool vs Manchester United:

Man U Fan: We are gonna beat you so bad, you be running back to your mommies crying. Our boy Christiano will see to that!

Liverpool Fan: F*ck off..we got Stevie G! He gonna gut you good!

I’m actually writting all this stuff after a head splitting session with EA Games’ Football Academy for the Nintendo DS. 1 part footie-management sim, 1 part football player card collecting game and altogether an overwhelming experience for all but the most machosistic footie nuts, this game is not for the faint hearted.

The story is like this, you are enrolled into a Football Academy (which features Louis Scolari as the principal), where you get to manage your own team made up of player cards (lol) and in order to get better players (cards I tell you!) and challenge more teams, your football knowledge will be put to the test. Dominating the entire experience is an entire bunch of mini games which you can probably ace, if you are Shebby Singh.

The mini games range from locating where a club is on a map to arranging player names out of a bunch of jumbled out characters (and they are not necessarily from a team you support….try West Brom or Aston Villa), shooting practice, formations (e.g. you are supposed to judge whether a rightback would fit in a 5-4-1 formation) , etc etc. It’s like a coaching exam out there with no syllabus! Excelling in these games will improve your team, and as a reward you’ll get player packs containing player cards which you can add to your team or trade pile, or discard.

The Game Room from the main menu will allow you access to the mini games without having to go through the main game. And if you are really up to the challenge, try choosing the Bundesliga or the 3 other leagues available besides the Premier League and play the mini games. In the process, try not to throw the Nintendo DS out of the window.

As for playing matches, you really got to watch this video. It’s a cross between the old Championship Manager match mode with some elements grafted from CCGs like Magic: The Gathering.

I think I’m gonna keep that game on ice. What a headache.